 |
| Real and True Picture of Glorious Battle |
(Glorious and Supreme Editor's Note: After daring commando raid by
Highly Trained and Not Starving Best Korean army, Glorious Leader Kim
Jong Un has taken control of this Western Propaganda outlet and it will
now only tell truth.)
After 3 hours of war, the American Imperialists have officially surrendered to the Glorious Korean People's Army thanks to the military brilliance and inspirational power of Kim Jong Un, who rode into battle on a glorious white stallion and single-handedly took out 3000 American soldiers with his powerful muscles.
After 3 hours of war, the American Imperialists have officially surrendered to the Glorious Korean People's Army thanks to the military brilliance and inspirational power of Kim Jong Un, who rode into battle on a glorious white stallion and single-handedly took out 3000 American soldiers with his powerful muscles.
The war began after the corrupt United States of America
attempted to further its imperialist ambitions by limiting North Korean
power. They tried to take away North Korea's rightfully obtained nuclear
weapons, which were not at all forbidden. They also made all attempt to
oppress South Korea and keep it from being united with its Northern
brothers. Their attempts had become too great for even the wise Kim Jong
Un to bear. After long consulting with his top military generals and
weighing all options, the spirits of his ancestors, Kim Jong Il and Kim
Il Sung, came down to guide him towards the right path. “I did not want
to war with their evil,” Kim Jong Un said in a voice that made those
standing in a hundred foot radius openly weep, “but it had to be done.
For the good of Korean people.”
Of course, as all expected, the war was shortly over. Upon stepping foot in American territory, half of the country instantly surrendered as they recognized the might of Korea and its ways. “I merely felt the righteous people's way of Korea once Kim Jong Un breathed American air,” said Becky Johnson, who resigned from her job as Western Capitalist Professor at Indoctrination School to become grain farmer for good of all. But not all were so receptive to their might.
The remaining Imperialist Greed Forces attempted to stop the Glorious Leader's advance. They were lead by the Imperialist American “President” Barack Obama, who had assumed his true horned form. Obama led the Forces into futile battle with Dear Leader, crying that he would “somehow take all the food from North Korea” and that “Kim Jong Il looked like the offspring of a High School Janitor and your average grandmother,” both of which all true Koreans know are Imperialist lies. The battle was swift, as the well-trained and technologically advanced forces of the Korean People's Army overwhelmed the shoddily constructed American Western Greed Army. Kim Jong Un personally dealt with the Capitalist Devil Obama himself, defeating him with a headlock. As he was carried away to the Concentration Camps where your families do not go, Obama was then quoted as saying “Oh! How could I have trifled with Dear Leader and the mighty People's Army! He was simply too great and has fantastic hair.”
For their role, the military soldiers will receive a military ration and one member of their family who had been lost in the difficult to navigate Mountains that are not camps will be found. And Kim Jong Un will be given all military honors from all countries that he is now the head of, which will be all of them when the UN recognizes North Korea as rightful ruler next Sunday.
In food news, you've had enough.
