73% Of Nation's Population Attributed to Holidays

A recent study by Frayed Knot News shows that a vast majority of this nation was conceived under celebratory circumstances.

“Holidays really have a way of turning people on,” said Vadim Yermolayev, certified Sexpert.

“Mommy said I was a birthday present to daddy!” chirped Alice Williams. “Yeah! And I was a Christmas miracle,” chimed in her brother Ryan.

U.S. Policymakers are utilizing the new study to deal with the rapidly growing population. “It's simple. If we want to reduce population growth, we just have to get rid of all the national holidays,” says Jeffery Cruickshank, U.S. Policymaker.

Now, everyone has another reason to be thankful during the holidays: their existence. See survey results below.

Survey: Under what circumstances was your child conceived?

26% Valentine's Day

18% Birthday

16% Anniversary

8% Christmas

5% New Year's Eve

2% Virgin Birth